NOTE: This article was written under the name Cheryl, and the line which states posted “by ___” on this article and the former Ask Cheryl does not denote author credit as it only states who has posted the article. Hopefully that has clarified any questions.
Ask Cheryl is an enigma within an enigma within an enigma, and she’s here to answer all of your questions. Just comment below to ask away, or friend Cheryl Harnett on Facebook. Write up your question and prepare to be dazzled.
Dear Cheryl,
My family is full of hipsters, but I don’t think I am “alt” (alternative) enough to hang out with them. All my mother does is scowl at me, and my father is addicted to Arcade Fire. Can you give me some fashion tips so that I do not end up alone?
-Tragically Mainstream
Dear Tragically Mainstream,
Step one: buy skinny jeans so tight that you question whether or not you have lower limbs. Step two: go to your local vintage store to purchase the oldest or shiniest sweater you can find. Step three: get a job at American Apparel or at Urban Outfitters. Step four: get fired from your job for partying to much and being too laid back (read:awesome). Wear thick framed glasses, but not because you can’t see, but because its ironic (no, I know it’s not really that ironic). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the love of your parental units with Foster’s new 1970s peanut mix. Yes, they taste like they were found in the glove compartment of an old Volkswagen Kombi, but they smell like the good old days that you were never part of, nor ever alive to witness. Create a Tumblr and follow me for bonus points.
Dear Cheryl, What should I wear on a first date?
-Dressed to First Impress
Dear Dressed to First Impress,
It is very important to show off how creative you are on a first date. This is precisely why I suggest that you do a little “DIY-ing”. One great project that is fool proof at getting other people to like you is to buy 34 packs of Foster’s Jumbo Peanut bags, rip them open, then fashion yourself an outfit with a few stitches here and there (you can figure the rest out). Be the peanut of everyone’s eye with this DIY.
Dear Cheryl,
How do I shop at Abercrombie and Fitch without being a ridiculously fit and tan collegiate-type?
-Far from Preppy
Dear Far from Preppy,
Unfortunately, I cannot relate to this problem since I went to Harvard and I was the most preppy and fashionable person on campus. Sorry, but not even I can help you.
Dear Cheryl,
How do I tone down my look? Everyone always tells me that I’m too overdressed, and I just want to fit in.
-Fancy Footwork
Dear Fancy Footwork,
I can totally relate to you. I am often told that I can’t wear my Chanel to the Liger cages, but I do it anyway. Its important to always look your best as long as you’re the one who paid for the clothes. As the great Beyonce and reigning independent woman said it best: “The shoes on my feet/I’ve bought it/The clothes I’m wearing/I’ve bought it/The rock I’m rockin’/I’ve bought it
‘Cause I depend on me!” But when I’m really sick, tired, and careless about my astonishing good looks, I like to throw on a worn-out tee shirt, red lipstick, and some low heels. You know, to be casual.
dear cheryl,
do you like to eat foster’s peanuts?