by Benjamin Minch, Staff Writer
Halloween is approaching, millions of kids are about to be roaming the streets looking for candy.
It is usually a fun holiday, but this year, one thing is holding students at Fountain Valley High School from leaving their homes: the clowns… dun dun duh.
These clowns have been popping up all over the world, with sightings in thirty six of the fifty states, most notably in California. On October 6, two clowns were seen roaming Huntington Beach in a community park and shopping center. Other clowns have been spotted in Los Angeles County and at local schools around the area.
There is no telling what these clowns are up to, and according to NBC, “it could be a rebellion or uprising”. Some clowns are attempting to kidnap children, and some have also been seen with knives and other weapons, but nonetheless, the students of Fountain Valley High School are scared to death of the clown threat.
“This situation reminds me of the opening scene of ‘The Dark Knight’, where the clowns are robbing a bank,” said Daniel Sanders (‘18), who is very much anti-clown. “I hate these clowns because they take the innocent and fun figure from your childhood, and make it into an evil creature. They need to get out of the area. I face enough scary things in my life such as AP United States History (APUSH) exams.”
Even though clowns are scary freaks of nature, that doesn’t mean that we cannot take a stand against them.
“If I ever saw a clown, I would punch him and then hit him with whatever I find. If it came down to it, I would also be part of the clown hunting team,” said Sanders.
Many students have thought about the horrors of clowns, but none, until now, have come up with the ultimate clown fighting strategy.
Here are a few ways that you can be sure that you don’t get kidnapped by a clown this Halloween:
- Stay with your friends: Clowns are most likely to go after weak, lonely individuals and easy targets, so if you stay with your friends, they will ignore you.
- Run! – While you might want to be tough in front of your friends and challenge the clown to a duel, the best idea is just to run. Clowns can’t run very fast because of their costume, so you should have an advantage.
- Taking down the clown – Clowns have a very obvious weakness: the bagginess of their costume. If worst comes to worst and you must fight a clown, yank on his baggy clothes and watch him fall to the ground. After successfully completing this maneuver, run; unless you want to steal the clown’s nose in order to do a DNA test and arrest the clown, but it’s best to just run.
Hopefully these tips were helpful in letting the students of Fountain Valley High School get a tactical advantage over the clown threat. Remember to never go trick or treating alone, mainly because that would be boring, but it will also make you vulnerable to clowns. Stay safe Barons and have a clown-free Halloween.
