By Stephanie Nguyen
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to be relationship advice.
TikTok — whether you love it or hate it — is something that has become a big part of many people’s lives. It’s notorious for the trends of its users, most of them expiring sooner than fresh bread. Yet, there’s a popular internet archetype that doesn’t look like it’s going away anytime soon: the 6’4” nonchalant dreadhead.
The nonchalant dreadhead is considered by many to be perfect: tall, dark, level-headed, self-assured and, of course, attractive. Although it was a way to describe black guys, the definition expanded to include people of other racial identities, hair types and even genders.
But anything can be taken too far. Some people call their less-than-ideal boyfriends “nonchalant” when they are anything but actually nonchalant.
For example, @sophieretty revealed in her post that her relationship with a “nonchalant” boyfriend made her doubt their self-worth. Allegedly, he never wanted to change, no matter how much she wanted him to.
@Momojapotipotpotjr also shared their frustrations, saying that allegedly their boyfriend “denies it” after fights and “makes [them] feel like [they] imagined it,” neglecting to comfort them when they struggle emotionally.
“Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who cares,” the caption reads.
A truly nonchalant person can still love — being nonchalant doesn’t equal emotionless.
Contrary to what it looks like on social media, most guys love their girlfriends. It’s just that a lot of girls have a high tolerance for toxicity because social media is conditioning people to believe they’re on a rough patch, not a sinking ship. The projected negativity online led some to believe loving partners are fictional, so they make do with what they have. This leads to many young girls and women using words like “nonchalant” to minimize or even romanticize their situation. It’s easier to stay with someone who’s “nonchalant” than someone who’s immature, egoistic, narcissistic or dismissive.
The world isn’t as social media makes it seem. A lot of people deserve so much and sell themselves for so little. They deserve better.
