By Emily Chan
Imagine you’re walking down the street and seeing someone begging for money. Your eyes might meet theirs–their sign, their tattered clothing–you see their desperation.
Do you help them?
Or do you think to yourself, “They’re probably going to use the money for drugs, or maybe they’re just a scammer?” Oftentimes, we look away, ignore, and the situation passes by us. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person for refraining from helping others in that way, especially if you don’t have the financial means, but it is a testament to how our society functions as a whole.
This begs the question, why don’t people choose the path of kindness more often? Furthermore, what does that mean for humanity?
Fear of physical danger
On an extreme level, we’ve all heard horror stories about people choosing kindness and paying the price for it. From the stories that make it on the news to things your parents tell you to keep you safe, there’s a great deal of paranoia that comes with being kind. Due to this constant thought in the back of our minds that we can and will be betrayed, we think twice when someone asks for help jumping their car, carrying heavy objects or when someone needs money. In our state of fear, we make the choice of inaction; this choice keeps us physically safe, but at what cost? Perhaps it’s at the cost of the other person’s livelihood, or your mental peace. One of the worst feelings can be feeling like you could have chosen kindness when you didn’t.
Fear of rejection
There will be times in your life when your kindness is rejected. Maybe you complimented someone in the past and their reaction was less than savory, or you held the door for someone and they gave you a dirty look. Just as we avoid touching the hot stove after being burned once, we may avoid being kind after experiencing the wave of embarrassment that comes with rejection. In this way, our evolutionary need for belonging has made us correlate social rejection with physical pain. Despite our natural tendencies, it’s important to keep in mind that your choice to be nice to someone, regardless of the outcome, is solely a reflection of your own character. Sometimes people are too tired, too angry or too stressed to accept kindness. That’s okay. However, that should not stop you from seeking to do good deeds simply to do good deeds.
Personality
It may or may not come as a surprise to you that personality is indicative of kindness. Individuals who exhibit a high level of kindness also exhibit a high degree of agreeableness. That being said, the ability to be compassionate is something that can be trained. This can be achieved through practicing active listening, going into every conversation with the goal of understanding and being conscious of how your actions affect others. When we are kind to others, we are kinder to ourselves. Finally, you’ll be able to more effectively assist others when they do need help.
In a world where kindness can be taken advantage of, you might be afraid of taking that next step to be a kind person. In fact, I don’t blame you. There are people who prey on the care of others and instill fear into our hearts. Despite our fears, rational or not, it’s crucial for us to choose kindness with caution.
