By Caroline Mora
Have you ever had that one friend who gets way too close? Maybe they’re a close talker or just very expressive, but somehow they always end up right in your face.
Your skin starts to itch, your breathing gets shallow and the world seems to tunnel in around you until all you can focus on is the voice in your head telling them to move, move, move!
I am a huge fan of maintaining my personal bubble with those I’m not close to. I’m touchy with those who know me best and welcome as many hugs, high fives and handshakes they’re willing to give me. It’s those certain people who think that to talk to me, they need to get super close to my face or grab my arms firmly and pin them to my sides while they talk. Newsflash — they don’t!
Learning physical and emotional boundaries and respecting them is such a crucial part of growing up. Sometimes it can feel like some people just skipped over this phase. It’s important to learn your boundaries, as well as what other people are comfortable with. It’s not about being improper or fearing you might come off as rude; it’s mostly about ensuring that everyone feels comfortable and safe in your presence.
If you were being overly clingy and touchy with another person and you knew it made them uncomfortable, would you keep doing it? Maybe I’m the problem and I’m not used to people being so close to me, but I’m pretty sure I’m not. I think it’s just something about others feeling entitled to my personal space when I am very obviously not into it.
For some, it can be hard to read signals like a boss and determine whether somebody is truly comfortable with you or just pretending. Many people don’t like it when you touch their hair or face, and they’ll tell you. But for others, it can be hard to set boundaries and express that no – you don’t like it when others put their arms around your shoulders, or that you’re expected to ‘dap up’ or shake hands with every new person you meet.
Nobody wants to feel nit-picky or be the person that others have to walk on eggshells around. But by setting boundaries, you’re making it easier to cultivate connections with others, without worrying about the fact that their hand is on your shoulder right now.
A good way to make sure you won’t become this person is to just keep your hands to yourself.
Point blank. Not everyone needs to have a hug when you see them, and you might not need to hold everyone’s hand when you talk to them. If you feel like the person you are talking to will appreciate a little physical touch, feel free to do so! Just make sure they respond in a way that seems like they don’t mind. Personal space is a big thing for some people, so stay away!
